When I was in undergrad, I usually came up with a theme for each semester. It was something I did with a good friend of mine; I remember having fun and keeping the themes posted in our profiles to remind us. I thought of it the other day when I made a playlist on iTunes. The title of the playlist, and the overarching theme, to be honest, was “Control Yourself.” I’ve come to realize that I’ve essentially extended this theme to the semester overall here in grad school.
I’ve made a concerted effort in the past few months to really rein in my negativity and bitterness. I know that I lash out at people and get worked up over stupid shit, and it definitely affects me more as a 24 year old than a 19 year old. There’s a completely different standard for someone in graduate school than your average undergraduate student. I’m really trying to let things slide off my back more, and coast through situations more, instead of letting asinine people with shit for brains really knock me off course. I overestimated how much I could handle when I got here, and jumped head first into an unhealthy relationship, which then led to uncomfortable intimacy with colleagues and supervisors. Will I spend the next year and a half recovering? Of course not. Do I regret wasting my first semester with people I can’t stand? To be honest, yes.
So the moral from this semester and what may end up continuing into next spring is “Control yourself, take only what you need from it.” I don’t have to be perfect in grad school – this experience is for me, to better myself, to hone the skills and assets that will make me a better professional. I don’t need to try to be everything to everyone, and worry about how some dipshit faculty member thinks about me at the end of the day. I came to graduate school to make myself a better person.
I don’t give a shit if the wisdom comes from MGMT, it’s still true.