I Served a Porn Star Last Night

Before I write anything else, I’d like to clarify that the title of this post is “served” a porn star last night and not “serviced.” As in, I brought him a salad and a sandwich and did not, in fact, perform fellatio on him.

Now that we have that out of the way, let’s get to the story. It was a rainy Monday at the good ol’ restaurant, and business was pretty slow. We had a lot of two tops, and no one was really making that much money off of their tables.  As the night continued to drag on, the most exciting thing that had happened was the fact that a waiter had received digits from a man the staff had considered straight up to that point.  Then the host sat a porn star at my table.

Please, let me elaborate.  I, for one, had no idea he was a porn star.  To me, he was just a short man eating alone on a rainy Monday; to me, he was a creature to be pitied.  He sat down, I brought over his bread, and greeted him to the restaurant.  He was incredibly humble and downright nice, so I went out of my way to make him happy.  To be honest, when someone is sitting alone, I feel some overwhelming sense of sympathy for them since I can’t fathom the concept.  Eating is such a social experience to me, so I tend to look out for my one tops.  As I was grabbing his salad from the back, one of my coworkers ran up and told me there was a porn star at our restaurant.

I’m not sure if this is a trend in DC in general, but a significant amount of our staff is gay.  This particular server has been known to be a slut on occasion, and has seen a disturbing amount of porn in his 32 years on this earth.  When he claims someone has done porn, we tend to believe him.  It’s as if he’s the walking, talking, porn version of IMDB.  He was absolutely convinced that my one top had been in porn.  As a result of his outrageous claim, more and more of the staff performed walk-by’s to check out the situation, which doesn’t really make sense to me.  It’s not as if porn stars have some sort of secret tag, like one or their ear lobes is marked or there’s a tattoo on their wrist.  Little Mr. Porn Star started to sense something was up, and while I was still as professional and courteous as usual, it tends to undermine your efforts when your coworkers are collecting in the corner and staring.  By the time it got to his check, he only asked if he could take the receipt and then threw cash at me.  I felt so bad to scare off a nice porn star, especially considering that he was by far the most considerate customer I had the entire night.

So if you’re out there, Mr. Porn Star, who ordered the salad at half size and the sandwich with no cheese, I’m sorry.  You were a wonderfully kind man and I apologize for my coworkers’ behavior.  I couldn’t care less how many cocks you’ve had in your mouth…..or ass.

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2 Comments

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2 responses to “I Served a Porn Star Last Night

  1. Was he a one-top or a one-bottom?

    Sorry. Couldn’t resist.

    Apparently, he was a one-both. So there’s that.

  2. old man

    yet another reason I can never run for public office…

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