My Liver Will Never Forgive Me

Note – I apologize for the delay in responding to the glory that is Free Booze Day, but I had to go to Philly for three days for a rather intense visitation event for accepted students at Penn’s grad school.

I’d like to write my response to the epic day that was Shamrock Fest 2K8 as reactions to several photos that were taken that show the progression of the day. And by several, I mean three. Some might even call them the Holy Trinity…of Douches.

This was around 2 in the afternoon. Packed, sweaty, and reeking of booze – you know you’re on the Orange Line when it feels more like a cattle car. I never thought the Metro could get much worse than it has been the past two years. Now I see it as Satan truly intended – full of assholes from Northern Virginia who are wasted and drinking Coors, singing about ten seconds each of your bar standards like “Sweet Caroline” or “Livin’ on a Prayer.” Then they’d forget the words or someone would switch to the wrong verse, and they would all cackle and snort at the mistake. Then someone else would start screaming the words to “Take Me Home Tonight.” Darling, really.

BJ and I decided to fuck with this guy because of his sign. Calling him out on his inherent homosexuality from approaching a candle kiosk and stealing/”paying for” their sign went over really well. Any real threats of homosexual behavior go over about as well as Kate Moss at a Weight Watchers’ meeting when you’re in a parking lot full of thousands of belligerent twenty somethings and a few metric tons of free beer. Surprisingly enough, the overt homosexual behavior that followed hours later did not really result in any repercussions.

We found it hysterical that these two felt the need to continue making out even after they had fallen to the ground. Their friends didn’t find it as funny. After taking time to throw cups at them, once they realized that we had taken pictures, they actually started throwing punches. A scuffle broke out but Arjewtino and Shiftless Badger stepped in to save them from getting their asses kicked.

I wish I had more pictures (and I do), but until I can figure out how to not put my gorgeous face in them through some sort of editing technique, they aren’t going public. However, I can recount how amazing the day was. The half hour spent on the train was mind-numbing, and the half hour looking for Arjewtino was equally as satisfying. But once the troops were reunited and the mythic “no-line beer van” was finally located, the tailgating binge to end all tailgating binges could commence. We double-fisted for hours on end and only stopped to get more beer. A few poor life decisions were made, such as playing Spin the Cup on a uneven and inclined asphalt surface or the episode of crotch grabbing that lasted far too long.

Needless to say, fun was had by all. And I heard they even had some music.

Can’t wait to come back for next year’s.

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