Ode to Greatness

So tonight, a life altering event will happen. My friends and I have been hyping it up for weeks now, and I seriously can’t wait. American Gladiators comes back to primetime TV in less than two hours.

The original’s campiness has been shot with an overdose of the same steroids the Gladiators use. I have no doubt that it will be the most awesomely bad thing to ever happen to America. With names like Venom, Wolf, Stealth, Titan, and Hellga, this shit is going to be completely out of control.

In celebration of this watershed moment in the history of all that is perfect, my co-workers and I had a lunchtime poll if you will, and all of us picked our names. I asked everyone what they would pick, and the stuff we came up with was hilarious. You have to write all of them with exclamation marks and the deep voice of a freakish body builder who screams everything. Some of the highlights were

BEER CAN!
SUSAN! (His real name is Rob)
SHANK!
THRUST!
JUSTICE!
DOMINO!
OVERDOSE!
SNAKE BITE!
TOXIC SHOCK!
CHAINSAW!

Needless to say, life got a lot better when we screamed code names at each other instead of actually saying our real names. Here’s to a great night and some genius some where in America making us a drinking game to enjoy this show even more. Tonight is the reason I love my country.

[ Cue Lee Greenwood ]

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